A girl’s reality

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I'm the youngest sister of 7 brothers. When I was thirteen years old I entered the world of hallucinogenic drugs, alcohol and the world of curiosity, adrenaline.

I left home when my family discovered about my addiction to drugs and alcohol. For ages I lived elsewhere with strangers, especially when they killed my brother, as I was a friend of those who did that. In this world, I met some people who led me to prostitution, to robbery, to run away, to bargain, to be a jibara, to be an informant, to live loading the weapons when the boys were running away or in danger and had to pass it from one side to another. I had to travel and do crazy things: on that trip I was sent to a detention center for minors for robbery, and I also had to ask for money to get back to Medellin. When I returned, I had to get by on my own, I walked through the streets of Medellin, I met many parches and many "lords". While in prostitution met doctors, prominent politicians and even traveled with them to some cities as they loved the nymphet, even more if they could talk about politics, rumba (Cuban popular music) and do crazy things. I tried all sort of drugs and my life was being wasted amongst so many tragedies, violence and a lack of hope for my life.

I used to have many problems due to the absence of my mother. Not even mentioning my father! I got to the point of wanting to kill him as if he was a brother of mine; they interfered too much in my life and were jealously of me as if they were my spouse, well, sometimes they looked at me as a woman and I could feel their morbid look, and I used to feel disgusted. Hence my rebellion, which could also be attributed to the sexual abuses I suffered when I was ten and fourteen years old, one by a colleague of my mom and the other by a colleague of my dad. From that time on I started playing with men, their money and their desires as a way of revenging myself one way or another. I lived seven years within this world of tragedy and I was entering into the game of power. I became a friend or a lover of the tough guys or of those who had power or money. I was a spoiled one, because I was beautiful, smart, funny and a good lover (well, as matter of fact I am...as seen from another perspective), my being dazzled some but it was enough to get what I wanted, but I also kept some limit, as a result I'm still alive.

The return...

After having walked through shady paths, having lived and suffered the miseries of life, having touched with my hands the threads of violence and conflict, having wandered through the streets in wrong and dark nights, having once in a while faced the danger and the death, today I find myself in a different atmosphere, in my mind I only think of peaceful life dreams, today I am convinced that another world is possible, although I have known the other side, the hopelessness and the urban war. Fortunately I didn’t end like many youngsters in this country: with a bullet through their heart.

In a December a light shined so hard on me that burned me and this was the first sign I got, around Christmas. During the recovery period I suffered a stroke from an overdose of cocaine and marijuana, well, this was a final announcement. From that day on I began the process of starting over my path. I stayed away from drugs and everything that had put my life at risk, I quit burning so much adrenaline, went back home and started to win back my family, I buried many of my friends and brothers, but I realized that I could be The Hope for many of those who are still in their worlds, at risk.

The story...

By the time of the worst conflict in Medellin, many youngsters like me were fighting among weapons, with violence and the parche. Part of the society was also tired of so much pain and death so they decided to develop programs to enable other options for those wishing to find another path, then I was asked to attend a meeting for peace. What was that? I had no idea, but I decided to attend the call, as I was recovering from my burn wounds and my health condition was not the best. So that day was good as I met with many youngsters who wanted a turnover to change drastically their lives. It was a long process being there, I used to spend hours in silence in that place because I didn’t want to go back to my past as it tired me. I attended some workshops that I was invited to participate and my family began to believe in me.

It has been developed in Medellin a program of socialization, dedicated to mediation and conflict resolution, with youngsters who were living in conflict with the law, in armed confronts and territorial control, and also counting with the church participation. When I was already convinced that I could be living a different live, I felt the responsibility to recruit more youngsters from the city and help with a mediation process for a non-confrontation process. I found it easy for me to do as most of my friends still remained in the shadowy world. That was also a very enriching experience because it allowed me to meet many young people whishing to join in our life process.

And thank to this process I could graduate from High School and also enter and complete a specialization course in the subject I was exploring: the transformation of conflict and coexistence processes in the city.

Then it comes to my life what definitively affirmed my new lifestyle, my real choice of what I wanted and what I fully identified myself with: some youngsters from the comuna 6 who were also major players in stories of death, pain and power, but believing that it was possible to bypass, return and restructure their lives from affection. Yes, the methodology of “Effective is the Affective” and “Convince and not to Conquer”, addressed to those youngsters who used to stimulate themselves by the culture of easy money, motorcycles, cars, power, the “lords”(bosses), pretty girls, tootsies, unlimited sex by the girls who also seek this recognition and power.

A race was started against this new culture and succeeds in discouraging the omnipotence of the victimizer and gets all the acknowledgment because what counts is the story of life and the affection you can give to anyone who didn’t receive, work with anyone who used to do anything and believe in those who nobody believed. That was their methodology and that succeeded in making me fall in love for that and convince others with the same message, and through that I could reach new “lords”, new generations, and new political and military powers. Yes, today we are respected by them, because they believe in our dream and we witness it, even with all the difficulties and temptations we all managed to hold on by the time and walking daily with the boys no matter where come from. Our only guarantee is the love and respect for the human life above anything, and to return what life has given us through love and affection.

Y una se da cuenta que cuando se empieza con toda la fuerza ya no hay marcha atrás, y sí se recae entonces también estarás preparado para empezar de nuevo con todo lo que esto significa.

My realities...

I'm not sorry for having lived all that, on the contrary, I thank God for allowing me to live it all, because it let me to become the woman that I am today. I am constantly at risk by doing everything right and walk around my city.

I dream to see other opportunities to other young people that don’t have any or hasn’t been given the opportunity to have them today. It is not an easy path you have to take in order to address the transformation of a being, but it’s possible. It is not easy, mostly if you are in the midst of adrenaline, power, friends, adventures, risks, but it is possible since you have the will to do it and some accompaniment to do so. It is possible even if when you're not ready to receive affection and love from the heart of the many people that life puts in your way to make the process easier. And one realizes that when you start with all you’ve got, there is no going back, and if one falls then you will be prepared to start over with whatever it means.