Nobody forces you to do anything you don't want to

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I recall when I was only a child growing up in one of the Comunas in Medellin, where I had a poor family that didn’t have an appropriate job for the house expenses, and had to pay the rent, food, etc. We were very poor; my mother had to work and was becoming a father too. I used to get out from school and watch her everyday life of a parche or combo (as it is called today) in a corner, seeing all the drug consuming. And not only that, but seeing how these people got to committing crimes and how they had no problems at saying that to the children or to the neighbors, not respecting the community…

The years went past and I grew up. Because I was close to these justice offenders, they started to trust me. I used to transport firearms and to keep them at home, not acknowledging my poor mother didn’t suspect of me, and without noticing the situation that awaited me. It was when I turned thirteen that occurred me to use drugs and to carry my own firearm to protect myself, and that was only an excuse.

I started my drug addiction with perico (cocaine), which produced so much anxiety that soon I started to smoke cigarettes, than marihuana and the pepas (pills). My addiction was so big that I was running out of cash to sustain my addiction. That’s when I started my life with these friendships which offered me not common alternatives and bad examples, entitled camellar (consists of object’s theft or invalid actions). Soon, it wasn’t fulfilling my needs and I started to steal from the people that work really hard to earn a living to their families.

Time passed and I didn’t enjoy this type of theft anymore. I wanted more adrenaline, so I continued with the theft of vehicles using a gun that we got with the most influent guy in the parche. But it wasn’t for free. He borrowed us his guns but in return asked for a percentage of what we earned in the thefts. As I was already part of a group of thieves where you had to try and finesse when another combo bothered any partner’s corner. That was when we recognized who was who.

We were famous in the neighborhood and the community identified us as the “transporters of terror” and that’s why extra work came, that we only collected money from delinquents. We also had influence on some of those who think they are the street’s owner, or the so called bosses or chiefs. They gave us sectors to charge vacunas (taxes to be paid to the armed groups that control the region) but its’ real name is thuggery.  Time passed and I didn’t realize that I was in the middle of the famous paramilitary’s conflict: a group of crime chiefs, that the only thing done is to use as many youth as they could to convert them into hired murderers and worse, one validates it.

I took part into atrocious crimes such as homicides, robberies, extortions, along many more I couldn’t even name, and that’s how my life was developing. Then I went to jail, I was there many times serving for aggravated theft with illegal possession of weapons. It was the worst time of my life, where I had to deal with anger because the food was so disgusting, humiliation, because here in Colombia you survive in prison as long as you have money, or scavenge for respect and survival. Due to my stubbornness, I did not understand the lessons that life was giving me, so I kept returning to this place. The last time I was there, I hoped to start again and not to return there, because I had to live with the abandonment of many friends, girlfriend and family. Besides, many of the parche friends had lost their lives in that world.

Trying to find other possibilities I got to a neighborhood and found this crime world again. It was a continuous struggle not to accept their invitations and to really change my life.
Without thinking, I found affection and constituted a family with a wife who also lived in this world that I wanted to get out, but once again I was hooked…

This time I was a drug dealer and the one who managed the sector. My addiction to the drugs were growing by the day and my figure was deteriorating physically, that not taking into account the relationships with which I was getting involved into, with hidden enemies, with firearms, the problems, the clashes, the constant police raids and prosecution, the negotiations with the police for money and with which took me back to Medellin to work and with all that implied being the one in power.

The Hope

At times I looked in the mirror after my madness and reflected how my life was sinking lower and lower. But life again gave me the signal I often asked for in order to leave all of this. The roots of a very serious problem made me leave the neighborhood.

At that moment I did not count with the help of anybody, especially with my friends and my new family. I didn’t know where to go or what to do. Then I remembered about a girl who was part of a socialization process as she had worked many times with young guys from my sector and they got together to improve their socialization. I was rather distant, but I collaborated with them when I could.

This beautiful woman responded to my call and gave me what I needed at the moment, after that whole day of exchanges, my closeness to her and what she had done for me, allowed me to meet another world, this real one. From that, I knew that it was possible to transform the truthiness in my life. Thanks to the affection and love I restarted to believe in life.

I got to know the institution’s process and they accepted me regardless of my past and, instead, they gave me needed affection to keep in mind that exiting this dark world is possible, one just have to have someone to support and the desire to go on, change and transform its’ reality. I am grateful to life for presenting me this exit option and to see a world that I never thought of belonging to. Today I am learning and upgrading my life project, left it all behind: the drugs, the friendships and all that absorbed my life, my physical appearance completely changed and I am socially seen differently. The past friendships don’t recognize me anymore and the closer relationship I have with my mother allows me to look at her in the eyes, proud of being the man I am today and that I can serve as a model for my children and other young people who see the opportunities of transforming their lives. It is a process that must take a lot of perseverance and dedication not to falter in times of difficulty that may arise, but with support and love your way is more bearable.

Reflection…

The truth is that NOBODY FORCES YOU TO DO ANYTHING YOU DON’T WANT TO, but the environment and your friendships have a lot to influence in your life and in the actions one takes.